Ten Important Things I Learned This Week

1. Where the phrase chop-chop originated.
2. That David Cross is doing a 2009 stand-up tour and that there is only a list of dates and venues on Facebook, which isn't returned in Google searches. (Onion AV Club Interview)
3. How to obtain a Pilot's License and that obtaining a glider license first makes one a more well rounded pilot.
4. That I am considered a key member of the company I work for and that they consider me" critical to the longer term growth of our business and to achieving the aggressive goals we have set for our future." Mel Karmazin sent me a letter stating as much.
5. That Mexican Drug cartels are murdering recovering drug addicts in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico.
6. That lots of poor people in DC use the Fire Department as essentially Primary Care Physicians.
7. That, according to the Wikipedia article, proponents of wheat grass juice say it's only nauseating if you have a bad diet.
8. That I am the type susceptible to arguments in favor of barefoot running. I purchased a pair of Vibram Five Fingers, a shoe that I find aesthetically horrifying and ridiculed a neighbor who purchased a pair to his face. 
9. That reality shows attract not only the talentless but the psychotic and the predatory as well.
10. Why I'm fat.

The Best 911 Call Ever

Spaghetti Eis

Let's see... I'd like some vanilla ice cream... with... Strawberry preserves aaaaand, how about some coconut flakes? Wait a minute...  Is that a spätzle press? How about this, push the ice cream through the spätzle press, so it looks like spaghetti. Put the preserves on top like marinara sauce, then sprinkle the coconut all over it like parmesean cheese. That's it, yeah! Like that! Perfect, danke schön, danke schön... hey, just a minute now. Why did you put in that cookie? What's that supposed to be, a piece of garlic bread or something? No, no, no, no, no NO! It was a perfect spaghetti analog and then you went you ruined it! You know what? Just forget about it. I lost my appetite.